Q – I’ve noticed that my roommate shows a lot more skin than she usually does when my boyfriend comes over. Not only that she’s gets very flirty with him and is always asking his opinion on what guys like. One example is she’ll tell him she’s doing a lot of squats to try to make her butt bigger and ask him if guys really like girls with big butts. And she’s even asked his opinion on whether or not she’d look better with bigger boobs. Is it petty that I find it annoying and want to tell her not to talk to my boyfriend when he comes over?
Re: I hate the way my roommate dresses around my boyfriend
A – We’re not relationship experts so we can only give you our unprofessional opinion.
It’s not petty that you find your roommate’s behavior annoying; but it does kind of indicate a little bit of insecurity on your part. Your roommate’s behavior indicates insecurity on her part as well. And of course your boyfriend gets to sit back and enjoy your roommate flirting with him and you being jealous about it.
You could go ahead and tell your roommate not to talk to your boyfriend when he comes over; but that will only create friction between the two of you. And after your boyfriend leaves and goes home, you still have to live under the same roof with each other.
We agree with you that your roommate is crossing the line. Dressing more sexily for your boyfriend’s visits than she dresses ordinarily is a pretty transparent ploy. But it’s not necessarily a ploy that has anything to do with you and your boyfriend. Some women are like that. It could be any random man who comes over. Maybe they know the maintenance men are coming to fix the leaking faucet. They put on a low-cut top, short shorts and high heels. They do it because they like to show off. They want every guy to notice them. Sometimes it doesn’t even have anything to do with wanting to show off and wanting every guy to notice them. They’re just so insecure about their femininity and sex appeal that they feel like they have to dress a certain way when men are around to hide their ordinary truth.
None of that is your problem of course. You’ve got your own insecurities to deal with and can’t be bothered trying to figure out why your roommate does what she does. You just want her to stop.
Our recommendation: talk to her woman to woman. We know–that’s not how it’s usually done. Usually you bring out the claws and the fangs and get to ripping that bitch’s face off. But we think maybe you should just try talking to her about it. Tell her what you’ve noticed about how she dresses when your boyfriend comes over. Tell her how you feel about the conversations she has with your boyfriend. If she chooses to go the catty route, then you can warn not to talk to your boyfriend when he comes over. But your warning might not stop her if she’s more on the vindictive side.
Another alternative is to stay in your room with your boyfriend when he comes over. Eventually she should get the message that she’s not invited to share in the time you and he spend together when he comes over.
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