The blue turtleneck sweater

monica wearing her blue turtleneck sweater
The background is obviously fake. I took the picture against a white background and then edited in a stock photo background to enhance the photo for this blue turtleneck sweater blog post.

I mentioned in my post the red turtleneck sweater that I also had a blue version of the same sweater. I took some photos in my blue turtleneck sweater yesterday.

I needed to get some pictures to use to promote the release of the second single from my upcoming album. Throwing on an old blue turtleneck sweater is probably a bit questionable of a fashion choice for that purpose. But that’s precisely what I did. And since I haven’t written a post here in a few days, I figured I’d do a post titled “The blue turtleneck sweater” and kill two birds with one stone.

monica wearing her blue turtleneck sweater
Yes, the background if fake and I’ve done a poor job with the scaling. Smiles. The pictures I took didn’t come out too badly considering I had to pull something out of the hat due to my mood being depressed and my energy low as a result. But I needed photos to promote the release of the second single from my upcoming album and since my face wasn’t looking too tired to me yesterday I figured it was a good day to take the pictures even while I just wasn’t in the mood mentally or emotionally. (This is for my imaginary friends who love it when I share every boring detail and go on and on and on)

So how have you all been doing? I hope well. I’ve been up and down myself, continuing the fight to conquer the beasts and demons that keep trying to make me quit on myself. They did succeed in getting me to stop fighting decades ago. And I lost decades of my life due to quitting on myself; but I’m determined this time around, if they beat me again, they are not going to beat me as easily as they did back then. They are trying really hard to make me go back to that dark place where I saw myself as a nothing and a nobody. Even yesterday while taking these blue turtleneck sweater pictures, I had to slay beasts and demons that kept trying to get inside my head with their self-esteem crushing messages. I know you guys think your mothers and fathers don’t have the same kinds of problems you do. But some of us older folks are still struggling hard with life. We are still lost and confused about a lot of things. We suffer hurt and disappointment, conflicts with self image, low self-esteem, low self confidence, embarrassment, shame. Many of us still have unfulfilled dreams, and we look back at life and see the mistakes we made. We wish we could go back, but we know we can’t, and the world laughs at us and tells us we’re too old to pursue our dreams at this point in life. So we give up, because who wants to be laughed at? Meanwhile we have so many years ahead of us to spend being sad and depressed and regretting.

monica wearing her blue turtleneck sweater
The background is obviously fake. I took the picture against a white background and then edited in a stock photo background to enhance the photo for this blue turtleneck sweater blog post.

Photo note: In case you can’t see the caption for some reason, the background is fake. It’s a stock photo. I took the pictures in my home studio against my white backdrop. I took these pictures to promote the announcement of the release of the second single from my upcoming album. I needed the pictures and didn’t have anything new to wear. I wasn’t in the mood to get dressed up, so I grabbed my blue turtleneck sweater and figured if nothing else, I’ll get a chance to update this blog by using the pictures in a post. I believe in getting things done how ever you get them done instead of not doing them at all.

As far as my album goes, and what I was talking about above, I think in this day when you can be ten years old and a successful entrepreneur, there should be no such thing as too young or too old to do anything. But the world is never going to change it’s attitude. So you as an individual have to be the one to decide you’re going to go after what you want and you’re not going to listen to other people and allow them to tell you what you’re too young or too old to do.

This is what the beasts and demons are trying to do to me. They’re trying to make me give up on myself again. They made me give up on myself when I was young by convincing me that I was good for nothing. Now they are trying to make me give up on myself again. They’re trying to undermine my sense of self, and I have to admit it makes it harder to ignore them, the more I put myself out there to promote my singing and songwriting ambitions. But I am determined to keep on fighting to stay the course.

I will tell you this, it is only when I’ve measured myself according to the amount of love and attention I receive from others that I have felt like I was nothing and nobody. I urge any of you who might have a similar struggle to practice every day to train yourself out of the destructive habit of measuring yourself against other people’s standards. Stop deciding how much or how little you are worth based on how much or how little love and attention you receive from others. Give yourself the love and attention you seek. Nothing good can result from you depending upon other people’s love and attention to feel like you have worth and value. One way or another people will try to make you feel smaller. And you should never be in a place where you question and doubt your worth and value because of what someone else does or says. If people have that effect on you, begin now to reclaim your power by taking back the power you have given them to affect how you feel about yourself.

Promotion: If you want to know when my second single is officially released, follow me on Spotify.

Don’t forget to check out my single “Baby Thanks A Million” and follow me on Spotify.
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Singer songwriter Adelamonica AKA Avenue Sixty editor in chief. Writing as Monica for The Monica Archives. Writing has always been one of my passions. In fact, when I was a teenager, I used to tell people they should remember my name, because I was going to become a famous author. I used to live to write and write to live--not in the sense of writing for income but writing to combat depression and to feel a sense of purpose. I've written novels, poems, articles and essays that I tried unsuccessfully to get published over many years starting in my teens. When I discovered blogging several ages ago, I turned to that avenue as a means of doing what I love without having to worry about publishers and their rejection letters. Modeling is also something I have always enjoyed and something I wanted very badly to do as a teenager. So badly that I used to lie and tell people I was a model. I would carry around a large portfolio style photo album and claim it was my modeling portfolio. But, as with my writing, the people with the power to make my modeling dreams come true saw nothing in me that made them stop me in the streets of New York to offer me a modeling contract with their agency. So when I discovered the ability to photograph my own self (before cell phones and selfies) I took up a hobby of pretend modeling at home and that hobby has remained with me throughout my life as a form of self expression and self therapy. I ask that you kindly excuse my lack of worldliness and any instances where I demonstrate lack of tact or lack of knowledge and even lack of basic intelligence in my writing and posing. I'm just here trying to have a little fun doing the things that make me happy. I'm just an average human for whom writing and posing and singing and dancing and the other things I do are ways I express myself and keep myself going on this ever challenging journey of life. I hope you will find something even remotely useful or interesting in the things I share.


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