Q – I know it’s wrong to hate my sister and I don’t really hate hate her; but sometimes I get so jealous of her that I feel like I hate her. I’m 5 years older and ever since I was about 10 and she was 5 all I would ever hear is what a pretty girl she was going to be when she grew up. Then she grew up and she was as pretty as everybody said she was going to be. And because she was pretty she got everything handed to her. I’ve had to work for everything I have (and I don’t have anything compared to her). All she’s ever had to do is smile and bat her eyelashes and she’s been given whatever she wanted. I know that’s the way things work. I’ve been hearing it all my life even from my own parents who have never hesitated to agree that my sister is prettier than me. What I really have a problem with and why I think I hate my sister is that she actually believes that being pretty makes her entitled to everything she has as if she earned it by having an exceptional ability.
Re: Is it wrong to hate my sister for being prettier than me?
A – As you’ve acknowledged, you don’t really hate your sister. You’re just frustrated with the situation of having a sister who gets further ahead in life because of her looks. And that is perfectly understandable. No one likes knowing that they’re working hard and struggling to get ahead while some people are allowed to get to the top by virtue of their charm and looks alone. But it’s no more your sister’s fault than it’s yours. Neither of you made the world the way that it is. Maybe it’s not fair that pretty girls have such significant advantages over the rest of us just because they’re pretty. But that’s life. And we all know life isn’t fair.
You wrote: What I really have a problem with and why I think I hate my sister is that she actually believes that being pretty makes her entitled to everything she has as if she earned it by having an exceptional ability.
Maybe the answer to how you might be able to get beyond your jealous feelings harbored towards your sister lies in that comment.
The thing is, not every pretty girl ends up in a situation where she gets everything she wants just because she’s pretty.
In a way being pretty is indeed an ability…
Pretty girls who get ahead on their looks have an ability to use their looks to get ahead. They understand and accept the world in which they live. They know that a pretty face and a nice figure are huge assets in this world. But you can’t just go out there and demand what you want because you have a pretty face and a nice figure. You still have to know how to use your assets effectively to get what you want.
So maybe consider that your sister wasn’t necessarily handed everything. She just knew how to use what she had to get what she wanted. We all would love to be the pretty girl. But that’s because we realize that being pretty is an asset. If we were pretty we might have the things we want. But we’re not pretty so what then? Then we should be focused on figuring out how to use what we do have to get what we want. There’s no point spending time hating your sister or hating any other pretty girl. All you’re doing is putting yourself down and holding yourself back. Accept that your sister is prettier than you and there’s nothing you can do about it. Stop focusing energy on hating her and start focusing all your energy on yourself. Make the most of what you do have.
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