Just call me Gorgeous! I am an Irene Neuwirth necklace. And yes, I come with a $318,040 price tag.

If you are a lady of means with the sophistication and high taste necessary to make you a worthy owner and wearer of an Irene Neuwirth necklace, you will appreciate my stunning beauty and agree that my price tag is more than justified. In fact, you will consider $318,040 a bargain for what you will be acquiring were you to purchase me.

I like to think of myself as being pretty. Maybe even beautiful. For sure I am colorful and bright. I am composed of 18K rose and white gold, tourmaline, 116.61ct, fire opal, 69.38ct, tanzanite, 45.84ct, sapphire, 39.15ct, emerald, 6.54ct, aquamarine, 12.92ct, opal, 18.33ct, carved pink opal, 6.57ct, diamond, full cut diamonds, 3.72ct. I’m loaded with amazing gems of multiple exquisite colors. Look at how scrumptiously gorgeous I am. Being the sophisticated worthy lady that you are, you would question my worth if I were to cost less than I do. But you understand, and you know that an Irene Neuwirth Necklace is an object of supreme luxury for a lady who is unlike all others, and so my price tag is a comfort to you. It assures you that I am worthy of you just as you are worthy of me. I am made for you–not for those who will look at me and not recognize immediately that I will enhance their lives in ways a $300,000 house never could.

Like that girl, that silly unsophisticated village bumpkin who came by the page where they have me for sale, and dared to raise her eyebrow upon seeing how much I cost. She dared to do a double take and look at me with her eyes narrowed as if–as if to suggest the idea of me being worth $318,040 was insane. How gauche of her not to understand the significance of the fact that I am an Irene Neuwirth Necklace.

But I knew her. She comes around often, browsing, wishing she could afford this thing or that thing. But she’s penniless and poor. She was born that way and she will die that way. Stupid, unworldly dolt. Can you imagine it? She dared to look at me and think to herself that I looked ridiculous? Ridiculous! Apparently I’m too long for her liking. And in the picture where the model is wearing me, I look like a cheap piece of plastic costume jewelry? What nerve!

But I didn’t take it personally because I knew she was nothing more than a sad little country girl who had never touched a real gem in her life. Well, okay, so sometimes when she comes browsing she’s wearing a diamond pendant on her necklace. And it’s a real diamond that her hubs bought her for a Valentine’s gift. Don’t ask how I know. It’s not important. But the diamond is so tiny it’s a joke. It’s laughable! But it’s the biggest diamond her hubs could afford. And really, he bought it on credit. And she had to pay off for it herself with their tax refund. That’s how those types live. So I don’t know who she thinks she is coming around here looking at me and thinking I’m a ridiculous necklace to cost $318,040.

I repeat, I am made of 18K rose and white gold, tourmaline, 116.61ct, fire opal, 69.38ct, tanzanite, 45.84ct, sapphire, 39.15ct, emerald, 6.54ct, aquamarine, 12.92ct, opal, 18.33ct, carved pink opal, 6.57ct, diamond, full cut diamonds, 3.72ct. I am an Irene Neuwirth necklace. I will cost you $318,040. But I am worth it!

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